gone

Today was the first day of Centro Latino, an after school program where I voluntarily tutor grade school kids. I tutored two incredible 4th graders, Paulina and Lizbeth, who were so smart, funny, and mischievous! They were always competing for the fastest time solving multiplication problems, had a special "feet"shake for real promises, and were the most loving and enjoyable kids. I was expecting to write a positive entry after I got home, but I showed up today expecting to see them causing some kind of mayhem, and they were no where to be found. Paulina and her family, along with her amazing brothers who also attended Centro Latino, moved back to Mexico. They didn't leave an address. Lizbeth didn't come and doesn't think she will be back. I was so upset and completely shocked. When it was time to go, I got into my car and as I pulled away I started to cry. My favorite girls were gone. It's so difficult for me to understand why they would leave a better life to go back to struggling, but it's out of my hands. Her parents had reasons for returning. It makes me so upset because I put so much effort into trying to volunteer this year. I didn't want to let them down and when Craig said he wouldn't be doing CL anymore, I asked everyone if they could give me a ride. When schedules interfered, I begged my parents to let me take a car down to Columbia because it was so important to me. I knew they made a sacrifice allowing me to take it because of the cost of full time insurance, but I had to be there for Paulina and Lizbeth. In a way I felt like all my effort was wasted. It was so disheartening. I realize that although they can't see me now, I showed them how much I cared, and how invested I was helping them to succeed. They knew how much I loved them. It's going to be really difficult to go back on Thursday, but I have to remember there is a reason why I started in the first place. I wanted to be an anchor of support, trust, and love for these underpriveledged kids. There are plenty of kids who still need my help and I will start to care for them just as much as Paulina and Lizbeth.