How I wish you could see the potential, the potential in you and me, it's like a book elegantly bound, but in a language you can't read just yet

I am driving up 85 in the 

kind of morning that lasts all afternoon 

I’m just stuck inside the gloom 

4 more exits to my apartment but 

I am tempted to keep the car in drive 

and leave it all behind 

cause I wonder sometimes 

about the outcome

Of a still verdictless life 

am I living it right 

am I living it right 

am I living it right

why, why Georgia, why 

rent a room and I fill the spaces with 

wood and places to make it feel like home 

but all I feel’s alone 

it might be a quarter life crisis 

or just the stirring in my soul 

either way 

I wonder sometimes 

about the outcome 

of a still verdictless life 

am I living it right

am I living it right

am I living it right

why, why Georgia, why

so what so I’ve got a smile on

It’s hiding the quiet superstitions in my head 

don’t believe me

don’t you dare believe me 

when I say I’ve got it down 

As a result of driving everyday around the city and the fact that the only CD I have not kidnapped and taken to Columbia is John Mayer, I've been listening to him a lot. So with his sweet tunes and some fresh air, I've become addicted to "Why Georgia" (which these lyrics belong to, if you haven't caught on just yet). It basically sums up what everyone fears in their twenties, that they have no direction, just forks in the road of life. Everyone can relate. I can relate. I love the line ""it might be a quarter life crisis" which brings me to an entry Keith made a few weeks ago. How is anyone supposed to know what their journey in life is? I can't even make a decision between two items on a menu, much less what I'm supposed to be doing for the 3/4 of my life remaining. It's simply impossible to predict unless you have some sign from the Big Man himself. I think it is just a part of growing. Opportunities will come our way, we'll have struggles, we'll have loss, but it doesn't mean there won't be a plethora of happy moments in between. 

I recently met up with a girl I was best friends with in high school. We were inseparable from sophomore year until early freshman year of college. So I will admit, I was a little more wild in high school than now, but I guess most teenagers have gone through at least one rebel phase. She was always a step ahead of what I wouldn't do. I'd hate to say it, but when she said jump, I jumped. This girl and I would sneak out late at night, we'd go to those stupid high school parties and stay out past curfew millions of times, we skipped school (once and only once...), gossip about other girls, hell... we even drove to Illinois for her latest beau which caused her car to break down and in an effort to hide everything from our parents, had to call our friend to pick us up... needless to say, we got in a lot of trouble, told more than a handful of white lies, and drove our parents mad. Okay, back to the story... when we reached college, it was never the distance that made our friendship fall apart (we went to the same school) but rather we began to move in different circles. She joined a sorority, and I vowed to never fall for Greek Life. I had not seen her in over a year, but we met up for some window shopping and dinner... To little surprise, she had not changed at all. She was still the girl she was years ago. Her conversation consisted of rumors about people we knew in high school, the boys she had dated since we last talked and the ones she had her eye on now. She searched and searched for, her own quotes, "a slutty shirt" to wear to a party on Saturday. She was decked out in heels, ripped jeans, and a juicy couture handbag. I felt as though none of what she had talked about had substance. It was always the next best thing: the hottest guy to date, the best clothes, and her aspirations of being wealthy someday... which confused me on why she had chosen elementary education for her major. When that had been brought up, I mentioned volunteering at Centro Latino and the kids that were so outspoken and cute, but she had nothing to say in reply. Like I said, I felt the substance was lacking in what she did say and she drew quiet when the topics weren't directed to boys, money, or parties. She was still caught up in what was deemed as "desirable". Not to pass any judgement on what she enjoyed or what her priorities were, just that they were the same and mine had changed.

When driving and listening to this song, I began to wonder where my life was headed. I can't make decisions of any kind and I can't deny that I haven't been scared of life. I had a different feeling toward that song before I had met with this friend. I've realized that I have grown, whether I knew it or not at the time, but I have grown and changed substantially in only two years. I've become a completely different person than who I was back in high school, though some haven't changed at all. I've given more value to my family and have been more appreciative that I have ever been of where I've started. My family is in no means wealthy, but what we have is plenty. I've discovered the things that mean the most to me: family and friends. I know what my passions are: art, kids, animals and food. haha I'm falling in love with the details of life... the contrasts of light on leaves, the different colors of a sunset, the way a person smiles that makes their eyes wrinkle, catching strangers singing to themselves in the car next to you... I could probably go on forever. Although I have learned to communicate more, I am just starting to speak up for myself. And what a great feeling that is!! I've become a more well rounded and stronger individual, but still I will admit, I sob during some movies. :) I'm not perfect, and I don't want to be. My quirky qualities make me me.

I'm thankful for this encounter with my blast from the past. I guess what I am trying to say is that although I don't know what my life holds for me, I am confident that I am moving in the right direction. I have changed in so many ways in such a short time and I will keep on changing and growing as time goes on. It isn't a quarter life crisis, it's just one more foot in the right direction. I can't say that I know what I'll be doing for the rest of my life, my mind changes everyday, but I have comfort in knowing that the decisions I have made, the struggles I've faced, and those few moments of clarity have made me who I am. I am thankful for the past because ultimately it all determined who I am. I wouldn't regret a thing. I have learned from it all. The way I see it, it can only go up from here... there is no need to worry of what lies ahead when you've made so much progress already. Never doubt yourself and what you are capable of. If it rains, jump in the puddles. And if there is one thing to be certain of, there will always be people in your life who will support and love you for whoever you are. 

just my two cents for today.