just like mercury

I realize now this is just an illusion.

for the horse's mouth

In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.

Dr. MLK Jr was pretty prophetic in a completely human way.

For those who are unaware, cowardice is not cool. It is not the new black, the hippest trend, or latest thing to do on the weekend. Definitely not cool for significant others and friends alike. I mean, you could totally expect that from someone you're casually dating, but friends who are supposed to be trustworthy and decent individuals? That's a no-no. 

Sometimes I wonder why I care so intensely about the people around me, and why I am frequently experiencing such bad behavior from those (not that I'm counting the whole lot, because there are plenty of incredible souls that have blessed me with their friendship... I'm talking about a select few stinkers) I should be able to rely on, to consult and in turn console me.  I asked my father this same question and aside from the most down-to-earth, honest-to-good advice that he consistently gives me, this answer has stayed with me: It's not that you care too much, it's that these people who you care for do not know how to care for you in return.

Thus, I am accepting friend applications. 

Just kidding, but it's a nice thought...

here's to the new year

In 2008, I gained a better sense of who I could depend on.
I lost a great friend to a girl.
I stopped worrying about the unknown.
I started an addiction to Sparky's chai ice cream, Lost, and David Sedaris.
I was hugely satisfied by taking drawing and rediscovering that passion for art again.
And frustrated by classes.
I am so embarrassed that I started listening to country music... Okay, not really.
Once again, I managed to unknowingly flirt...a lot. It's harmless, right?
Once again, I did not spend too much time studying, oops.
The biggest physical difference between me last December and this December is a few more freckles.
The biggest psychological difference between me last December and this December is my newfound belief that I deserve to be pursued, respected, and loved.
I loved spending time living with my incredible best friends in the dorms and then in our tiny apartment.
Why did I spend even two minutes resurrecting the past? Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.
I should have spent more time snoozing in the am than playing shenanigans at the boys house, being crazy with my girls, or having late night conversations about nothing... But I wouldn't take back a single second of sleep lost.
I regret buying things I did not need.
I will never regret buying gas for those memorable road trips to Columbia and KC even though with that money I could have bought tickets to shows that were less expensive.
I lived on Starbucks way too much.
I didn’t get to spend enough time knowing Paulina.
Acting like I wasn't upset sometimes drove me crazy.
The most relaxing place I went was Castlewood park... even biking fast through the woods can clear your mind.
Why did I go to tailgate at the Reactor with Liz halfway through football games? Then again, I would have never met Aaron.
The best thing I did for someone else was be there for them even if I couldn't in presence.
The best thing I did for myself was focusing on myself, my desires, and my goals.
The best thing someone did for me was tell me the truth.
The one thing I’d like to do again, but do it better, is build my relationship with God.