smile brown eyes

so long, bloggers

2009-09-13T23:22:00.002-05:00

It's been fun while it lasted. You've been a major outlet for me, allowed me to express thoughts I'd kept unsaid, and have been a little piece of history that's helped me learn from the past. For now, I'm letting you go to live my life instead of writing about it. Apologies to those who sometimes remembered to read this blog (Daniel). You still know where to find me.

2009-09-12T12:06:00.001-05:00

Lonely men built lonely cities
She worked hard until she was beautiful
Still he noticed nothing unusual, this was his way
He's gonna stay devoted to the project
And she's committed herself to not caring anymore
Her heart wasn't sore, she was sure she had cured

The burden of loving someone
May be better than loving no one

She's lookin' up, her mind says maybe
Or else she's so crazy it's slavery
To begin it again, pick it up from the end
Save the pieces that never gave, never bend
Still, the whole time there's this light
It wont let her say goodnight
Some white beam of hope in the sky
Has her questioning why
Has her constantly tryin' and lyin' inside
Has her hidin' away like some potential bride
Who keeps turnin' her back like the turn of the tide

The burden of loving someone
May be better than loving no one
The burden of loving someone
May be better than loving no one

When you feel what you're feelin' with all of your might
You write down to tell and sing like hell in the night
'Bout the man on your mind when you turn out the light
Who ignited the room when invited inside
Who now is long gone and despite how forthright
Was the song you played just to show how uptight
And embarrassed he made you, your loves stay strong
Convincing words appear backwards and wrong
It just doesn't make sense to want to belong
With a guy who made you all tense and withdrawn
It shows you in the corner where the walls shadows
Silhouette the one you won't let go who hasn't arrived yet
And he won't, you know, you can just forget about him though

The burden of loving someone
May be better than loving no one
The burden of loving someone
May be better than loving no one

I'm not so sure about that, it's not matter of fact
If the world fell in half are you for it
Adoring to kick back, relax, and laugh and deplore
Cursin' all of the fools who exist to implore
Writing books cursing morons who tore
What they swore gave them reasons to be:
I love him, he loves me

And the burden of loving someone
May be better than loving no one
The burden of loving someone
May be better

this is going to be harder than I ever imagined

2009-09-08T23:36:00.002-05:00

but it's something I have to do.

2009-09-02T23:54:00.004-05:00

I was playing piano with Josh today, a long lost tradition that was more common sophomore year of college. His lyrics are actually the post before this. I just remember playing a new song of his (which is now old) for the first time last summer after everyone came back to Columbia and walking out of FAB to the Augustana concert. I suddenly got this nostalgic, melancholy feeling that came over me. It's so strange to think of where I was last year and where I am now in my life. (This sentence has appeared a lot in my writing, but it's something I always seem to think about at the start and end of the year.) Some parts are the same but others are dramatically different. It's even weirder that at that moment of time, things didn't seem different at all, but over many months this ever present anomaly in various aspects of my life has been suddenly revealed. I don't even know what to write.
In terms of friendships:
I have been dealt a huge loss. It's hard to imagine that you will not be able to share your life with your best friend, someone you thought would be there through it all... with corny jokes to boot. I haven't fully accepted that I may not see them again. I'm so stubborn in that sense, I have to find solutions to the problem even though it's completely out of my hands. I will always be hopeful.
In terms of faith:
I am more curious about God than I have ever been. Religion always seemed like an infinite number of rules, a test on bible verses and the Saints, never a personal relationship but an obligation to attend mass on every Sunday seeing as I had 12 years of Catholic education under my belt. I frequently see how God breathes life, strength, and hope into my friends and I wonder if I will ever have that... That fearless commitment to God and The Word, placing yourself in His all powerful hands. I still have so many questions. I still have my doubts, but I keep reminding myself that if I seek God, He will reveal Himself to me... whether it's months from now, or when I'm 80. Just have to be patient.
In terms of love:
Ah, love... funny little notion that will forever keep me on my toes. July '08 sank in my stomach for months. I was blind-sighted, hurt more than I'd ever been, by someone I knew wasn't capable of committing to me. And I pushed it. I hurt myself more than he hurt me by developing great expectations of this love fueled by chemistry. Forgiveness was the most difficult pill to swallow. With the passing of time the enchantment lifted and I was sparked by another pair of bright eyes. A surprise by design: no instant attraction but a sense that I had known him my entire life. A man with healing hands, kind brown eyes, a warped sense of humor, and the most genuine heart. I cannot say that we haven't had our struggles, but the fact that he isn't afraid to fight for me, pursue me, or love me makes everything worth its weight.
I started this blog because my friends were doing it and I became committed to writing in it because I had never kept a journal before. My writing over the past 18 months has been an in-depth study to help me with the challenges I face in the future. I never imagined that putting your thoughts down for others to read, whether they be stranger or close friend, would be so rewarding and uplifting. I look forward to the day, years from now, when the idea that this blog exists will spark my curiosity to read it and look back on my life in college. For this little piece of technology, I am thankful.

2009-09-02T19:30:00.002-05:00

you, oh you

you tie me into knots

break up all those doves in flock

when you talk your Florida talk

please excuse

apologies to you

apologizing for the fact

that i've been taken aback

and well put quite simply

i don't mind at all

2009-08-27T01:29:00.001-05:00

I know what it feels like
I'm not gonna pretend
I'll put up a good fight
Every time you say
You still think that love is
Nothing like it should be
It isn't like the movies
Where everything goes right
In the endings but you are
Something like a flower
Unfolding before me
Underneath the morning light

And I
Can't give up on you
Even if I never win
'Cause this could be a feeling
We'll never find again
Never find again

Don't you say it

2009-08-16T18:33:00.000-05:00

The burden of loving someone
May be better than loving no one

goodnight

2009-07-05T19:41:00.004-05:00

What if...?
What if is the sinking feeling underneath your skin when hidden memories reach the surface for air. What if cannot be touched, it is not constant or enduring, it is not genuine or fearless. What if is a yearning, it is the greatest risk, it is unwary and relentless.

What if...?
It does not exist.

dimanche secrets

2009-05-10T23:48:00.002-05:00

2009-04-10T11:13:00.000-05:00

Would you mind if I call u sweetheart?
I found your voice upon my tape
and I was listenin' to you
til I fell asleep it was getting late
and I know it's you out on the sidewalk
I was hoping I would meet
something always hits me
but it ain't concrete beneath my feet
and it's not cold
it's not the heat

is this love? is this it?
if it is I like it
and if it's love
please stay love, don't go away love
don't go away

pehhhpper on your poppycosh?

2009-04-08T15:35:00.003-05:00

Mmm pepper. So I haven't had the best week, for reasons I won't mention, but the weather was nice and I was able to enjoy lunch between classes and rediscovered love that was The Format streaming from my headphones. After a three hour Physics lab, I got home and went into the bathroom to find a huge chunk of pepper sitting on the groove along my gum and incisor tooth. I can't imagine how many people in my lab and friends walking by on their way to class that I greeted, looked at me for a second, then didn't know whether to mention something or laugh as I smiled. Needless to say I bent over from laughing until my stomach started to ache and tears were welling in my eyes.

The moral of the story, kiddies is no matter how well you know a person, lend a hand: tell a girl that she's got junk in her grill.

viral gastroenteritis

2009-03-15T18:33:00.002-05:00

Hello again! :) So it's safe to say I've been better than my physical state the past week. After getting over an annoying cold, I came down with the stomach flu just before exams. Perfect timing, little bugger. Other than my immune system taking an early spring break, things are going very well. There's something about warmer weather, abandoned sweatshirts, and Sparky's ice cream that lifts your spirits even in the calm before the storm. See you after a full week of impossible exams! Until then, enjoy some tunes and laughs. :)

2009-02-22T22:26:00.003-06:00

Look, I know this could use an update but my life has been all kinds of busy. Stick with me. It's coming.

just like mercury

2009-01-14T02:28:00.007-06:00

I realize now this is just an illusion.

for the horse's mouth

2009-01-08T00:06:00.005-06:00

In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.

Dr. MLK Jr was pretty prophetic in a completely human way.

For those who are unaware, cowardice is not cool. It is not the new black, the hippest trend, or latest thing to do on the weekend. Definitely not cool for significant others and friends alike. I mean, you could totally expect that from someone you're casually dating, but friends who are supposed to be trustworthy and decent individuals? That's a no-no.

Sometimes I wonder why I care so intensely about the people around me, and why I am frequently experiencing such bad behavior from those (not that I'm counting the whole lot, because there are plenty of incredible souls that have blessed me with their friendship... I'm talking about a select few stinkers) I should be able to rely on, to consult and in turn console me. I asked my father this same question and aside from the most down-to-earth, honest-to-good advice that he consistently gives me, this answer has stayed with me: It's not that you care too much, it's that these people who you care for do not know how to care for you in return.

Thus, I am accepting friend applications.

Just kidding, but it's a nice thought...

here's to the new year

2009-01-03T10:48:00.003-06:00

In 2008, I gained a better sense of who I could depend on.
I lost a great friend to a girl.
I stopped worrying about the unknown.
I started an addiction to Sparky's chai ice cream, Lost, and David Sedaris.
I was hugely satisfied by taking drawing and rediscovering that passion for art again.
And frustrated by classes.
I am so embarrassed that I started listening to country music... Okay, not really.
Once again, I managed to unknowingly flirt...a lot. It's harmless, right?
Once again, I did not spend too much time studying, oops.
The biggest physical difference between me last December and this December is a few more freckles.
The biggest psychological difference between me last December and this December is my newfound belief that I deserve to be pursued, respected, and loved.
I loved spending time living with my incredible best friends in the dorms and then in our tiny apartment.
Why did I spend even two minutes resurrecting the past? Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.
I should have spent more time snoozing in the am than playing shenanigans at the boys house, being crazy with my girls, or having late night conversations about nothing... But I wouldn't take back a single second of sleep lost.
I regret buying things I did not need.
I will never regret buying gas for those memorable road trips to Columbia and KC even though with that money I could have bought tickets to shows that were less expensive.
I lived on Starbucks way too much.
I didn’t get to spend enough time knowing Paulina.
Acting like I wasn't upset sometimes drove me crazy.
The most relaxing place I went was Castlewood park... even biking fast through the woods can clear your mind.
Why did I go to tailgate at the Reactor with Liz halfway through football games? Then again, I would have never met Aaron.
The best thing I did for someone else was be there for them even if I couldn't in presence.
The best thing I did for myself was focusing on myself, my desires, and my goals.
The best thing someone did for me was tell me the truth.
The one thing I’d like to do again, but do it better, is build my relationship with God.

a thing for covers lately

2008-12-12T21:24:00.000-06:00

back to the 636

2008-11-26T23:04:00.003-06:00

It feels great to be home even if it's below freezing in our house, I haven't listened to any music since I left my apartment, and I'm sleeping on an air mattress instead of my own. I'm able to help Beth pick out her wedding dress, to visit my favorite coffee shop, to joke around about boys and life with Mallori, and eat Sunday dinner with my parents. My nephew grew so much in the past two months and doesn't seem like the sleepy little infant anymore. He can eat rice cereal now, sit upright, makes cute cooing noises, and never fails to laugh at a good game of peek-a-boo. It's really eerie how things are changing. My sister is getting married. It's about time since she's dated Nick for 7 years, but now that she's got a ring on her finger and wedding dreams in her head, it's really come to life. Although the wedding is months and months away, eventually she will no longer live in the same house as me. She won't be just a door away from me. We won't be able to pester each other about borrowing clothes or barging in when one of us is napping. We haven't gotten along all our lives, but in the past few years she has become my best friend. Sometimes I think I'm missing out on things at home when I'm away at college... My family has grown and matured and altered in so many ways and I feel like I've been absent when events, small and large, take place... I know that this isn't the case because I'm only two hours away, but the feeling lingers. I could never regret coming to Mizzou, it's the best experience I have ever had, but I wish it were possible to be in two places at once... I'm not so sure the world is ready for that just yet! :)

Meet simply lovely Jaymay

2008-11-09T21:41:00.005-06:00

This music is addictive. Best enjoyed on a long drive down back roads where the trees form an arbor above the pavement. Try it. Gas is only $1.99.

I have never been more proud of my country than tonight

2008-11-05T00:07:00.002-06:00

"If there is anyone out there who still doubts that America is a place where all things are possible; who still wonders if the dream of our founders is alive in our time; who still questions the power of our democracy, tonight is your answer."

-Barack Obama

YES WE CAN.

It's Election Day!!

2008-11-04T02:03:00.004-06:00

Finally! Two long years of political warfare are over and in less than 24 hours we should have a definite choice for our next President... A couple friends and I are waking up at 5:30am (yes, I do realize that's only in three hours... I'll have to pin my eyelids open) to grab some caffeine and get out to the polls early before the working morning crowd. I'm so excited to be voting for the first time in a Presidential Election-- a crucial and historical one at that. Missouri has determined the winning Presidential candidate for the past century, and so far polls are showing there's a 0.5% lead by McCain. The youth vote is one of the most important factors in this election. Whomever you support, please go to the polls and vote! It's your national right to practice your voice, so take advantage of it!

For you Obama supporters:
here's an easy way of determining results by the hour on Election Day via the ch!cktionary (via Nick Douglas).

1. When the polls close:

2. What states matter:

According to the prediction models at Fivethirtyeight.com, McCain absolutely can’t win without Florida, Georgia, Missouri, Indiana and Montana. He has less chance of winning without taking both Ohio and North Carolina than you do of wearing a condom and getting HIV.

3. What states matter in what order:

I distilled this from 538’s Nate Silver:

At 6 PM EST, most of Indiana’s polls close. An early call for McCain means hold onto your butts (because it indicates unpredicted McCain support); an early call for Obama means pop the champagne (for the inverse reason).

At 7, the rest of Indiana closes and a McCain win isn’t as meaningful. But at the same time Virginia, Georgia, and most of Florida close. If Virginia goes Obama, again, champagne. Same for Florida. If Obama wins his long-shot Georgia because of the record number of black early voters, then call a Republican and do your best Nelson “Ha ha!” because this whole map’s going blue.

At 7:30, Ohio and North Carolina close. Bad voter turnout here actually helps Obama, thanks to his huge lead in early votes. Either way, by now McCain probably has to win both or…finally…champagne.

At 8, Pennsylvania wraps up. But the projections may be off depending on which votes are counted first. Again, if you’re still holding onto your butts, keep a grip.

At 9, if Obama is still struggling, he’d better win Colorado. But not much chance it’ll come down to this.

EXECUTIVE SUMMARY
AT THIS TIME, IF OBAMA HASN’T SWEPT:
6 PM: McCain needs to not already lose Indiana.

7 PM: McCain needs Florida and Virginia.

7:30: McCain needs Ohio and North Carolina.

8: McCain probably needs Pennsylvania.

9: McCain needs Colorado.

Barack the vote!

-Kimberly('s mama's for Obama)

one for sorrow, two for joy, three for girls, four for boys

2008-11-02T02:34:00.010-06:00

When everything’s over
And everything’s clear
When everyone’s older
No one is here
I try to remember
A girl on a wire
Tumbling and diving above Steven’s Green
Like a kite in the air

I've just started listening to the new (at least to me) Counting Crows album that came out in Spring this year, Saturday Nights & Sunday Mornings... It's worth a listen! Out of all the tracks, I personally like Los Angeles, On A Tuesday in Amsterdam Long Ago, Come Around, Cowboys and Washington Square.

This week in retrospect
A few things I've accomplished:
-waited in line for 5 long hours to see the next President of
the United States (definitely worth it!)
-crunched fall leaves beneath my feet
-taken more pictures than I can fathom
-quickly started to diminish the balance in my checking account
-skipped class...unwillingly
-carved an emo pumpkin
-created an entire costume solely from fabric, thread,
and polymer clay (hand-stitched, I might add!)
-dressed up as dinner (free burritos at Chipotle!)

my creation

A few things that have made me smile:
-Jimbo and Jackie recording a gangsta rap for PSP, an honors fraternity.
-this immaculately beautiful weather
-listening to JT and Culture Club's "Do You Really
Want to Hurt Me?" in drawing class
-renting The Darjeeling Limited and devouring
java chip ice cream with Carl
-jamming out to "Semi-Charmed Life" with Amanda and Lis
-Hanook's dance skills at India Night and
Clone High episodes at Paul's
-locking eyes with Obama
(totally exchanged numbers by blinking in morse code)
-Halloweenie festivities
-news that my sister and her boyfriend are now engaged! :)

A few habits I should break by next week:
-stumbling out of bed 10 minutes before class
-procrastination, procrastination, procrastination.
-unintentional but "harmless" flirtation.
-partaking in nostalgia through old mix cds
-insomnia that never falters until 3 or 4am

my beautiful Asian roommie, Jackie

my favorite syrup-loving-lumberjack, Scott

Are you sure you want to delete these items?

2008-10-27T00:11:00.008-05:00

I receive more warnings from the System Administrator on my student email account than a juvenile delinquent. "Your mailbox is over its size limit." appears the subject line next to a slightly intimidating red exclamation point. It's a daily ritual: sorting through all the emails that I get from the Vet Med department, career info from the College of Biological Sciences, Barack Obama news, offers from aerie, and the occasional update from a professor. I log in every day with at least 10 new emails waiting for me to read and delete. There's a reason for such little space and why I am constantly deleting the handful of new emails I receive: you're hogging all my memory like a selfish child who doesn't want to share. Yes, you silly emails that take up precious megabytes! Unfortunately holding even more valuable pictures and stories and impressions that have been collected and invisibly labeled "past". These tokens, how wildly inaccurate they appear to be now, are the last good pieces I have of you. You, who has impacted me more than I'd like to admit. You, who has ruined certain songs forever. I wish it were as easy to delete these transatlantic letters as it is to write you off for your insincerity and your blatant cowardice. However, even with the passing of time-- falling leaves that playfully flaunt the truth that summer is long gone-- I still don't have the heart to do so.

I think that possibly, maybe I'm falling for you

2008-10-13T22:49:00.012-05:00

Looks like I haven't made a mark on this for a while, and although a lot of things have happened since then, nothing seems like much worth writing about. That or for a better explanation, there hasn't been anything I've wanted to sit down and write about for other people to read... So let's talk about the present.

I find it wildly amusing that the second you stop attempting to look for someone to fill some ridiculous, sadly romantic void, four or five charming prospects seem to enter (or re-enter) your life... all. at. the. same. time. I mean, it would be pleasantly convenient for each one to be evenly distributed in time so that you would have some kind of affection or effort to devote, but alas my schedule determines otherwise. Not that I would ever want to juggle something like that because I don't think I could muster up the heart (or lack of) to do so.

I suppose another alibi would be that I just don't want to be tied down. It seriously feels like freshman year all over again, where you just want to experience new things and meet new people without holding back... I find myself increasingly enjoying all the alone time I can get, and I don't think I want to give that up for anyone just yet.

So, dear prospects:
Your secret playlist labeled "K" filled with only romantic songs, your love for living life in the past despite your current girlfriend, your family event invitations that play into my weakness for kids, your stark signs of change but late sincerity, or your year long attraction just recently revealed have each flattered me in different ways, others conveying more meaning than some. But until I have learned to stand on my two feet contently in my own skin, I would not and could not begin anything worthwhile to satisfy your intentions for us. I hope you will forgive me. More so I hope you will not forget me.

All the best,
Kimberly

check it out

2008-09-23T23:10:00.003-05:00

Covers on a ukulele? Is there anything else more fun?

Here's Julia Nunes, an average college student who made it big (she performed with Ben Folds!) on YouTube. Hey, dreams come true everyday.

two covers

and an original for smiles

gone

2008-09-16T18:35:00.004-05:00

Today was the first day of Centro Latino, an after school program where I voluntarily tutor grade school kids. I tutored two incredible 4th graders, Paulina and Lizbeth, who were so smart, funny, and mischievous! They were always competing for the fastest time solving multiplication problems, had a special "feet"shake for real promises, and were the most loving and enjoyable kids. I was expecting to write a positive entry after I got home, but I showed up today expecting to see them causing some kind of mayhem, and they were no where to be found. Paulina and her family, along with her amazing brothers who also attended Centro Latino, moved back to Mexico. They didn't leave an address. Lizbeth didn't come and doesn't think she will be back. I was so upset and completely shocked. When it was time to go, I got into my car and as I pulled away I started to cry. My favorite girls were gone. It's so difficult for me to understand why they would leave a better life to go back to struggling, but it's out of my hands. Her parents had reasons for returning. It makes me so upset because I put so much effort into trying to volunteer this year. I didn't want to let them down and when Craig said he wouldn't be doing CL anymore, I asked everyone if they could give me a ride. When schedules interfered, I begged my parents to let me take a car down to Columbia because it was so important to me. I knew they made a sacrifice allowing me to take it because of the cost of full time insurance, but I had to be there for Paulina and Lizbeth. In a way I felt like all my effort was wasted. It was so disheartening. I realize that although they can't see me now, I showed them how much I cared, and how invested I was helping them to succeed. They knew how much I loved them. It's going to be really difficult to go back on Thursday, but I have to remember there is a reason why I started in the first place. I wanted to be an anchor of support, trust, and love for these underpriveledged kids. There are plenty of kids who still need my help and I will start to care for them just as much as Paulina and Lizbeth.

counting sheep

2008-09-12T01:14:00.006-05:00

I should be asleep, but I'm not. You'd think with 8am classes every day, the z's would ensue earlier, but they don't. I'd like to replace the space you pocket running through the currents in my head with well deserved dreams. Though erratic, they are more real to me than you have ever been.

fools rush in

2008-09-09T23:17:00.002-05:00

When you're talking to an attractive person (maybe even platonically attractive) do you ever feel that sudden, uncontrollable, "let me grab your face and kiss you" kind of urge? Just to see their reaction? Or maybe just to feel their lips press back?

Good to know I'm not alone.

this year's love

2008-09-09T17:17:00.002-05:00

This past Friday I woke up to Kaitlin calling me into the kitchen. Half-coherent and half-dressed, I stumbled out of my room to find my roommates made me breakfast on my birthday. Pancakes and eggs, chocolate soymilk, coffee, and a 6 pack of O'Doul's (courtesy of Keith as a 20th joke) filled our little table with a very sleepy Jackie. It's a rarity for all 4 of us to be in a room at the same time, but at 7:30 in the morning we ate our first meal together on that little table. So we filled our stomachs (let me tell you, soymilk and O'Doul's is NOT a tasty combination! haha), we laughed at how much Jackie looked more Asian in the morning :) and shared current life things. Definitely a perfect start to the day.

Later that night we dressed up and went to Osaka for sushi and hibachi. It was a long process to get from our house to Osaka but after rolling Kaitlin's dead car down University in heels with Josh and Lis, it started up and we arrived! Late, but what can you do? When I walked into the door I was amazed at how many smiling faces greeted me. We couldn't even fit all of us around a 16 person hibachi grill. Some people always say it's either quality or quantity, but I am confident that I have the best of both worlds. It is such a blessing to have so many wonderful people in your life. I am so lucky to have such caring, considerate, dependable, fun-loving, and hilarious friends who make everyday more enjoyable than the last. I used to think that birthdays were such a big deal, but I realize it's the people who celebrate with you that make them special. I love where life has taken me, and although I have calculus and organic exams next week, a killer cold, and little food in the fridge, I have absolutely nothing to worry about. There's so much to appreciate and to love about life.

quotables -- libertines

2008-09-08T01:33:00.004-05:00

While trying to attempt anti-derivatives, I overhear two guys waiting for drinks at Starbucks...

"Like one commandment says 'Thou shall not cheat on your wife'. How are you supposed to follow that? That's like... impossible!"

I guess fidelity died along with chivalry.

2008-09-07T18:07:00.003-05:00

I have a lot to share with you about this weekend, but I also have a lot of homework and reading that needs attention. On top of that, this little lady has come down with a cold. I guess that's my punishment for sharing drinks.

Maybe an update later tonight. Sit tight until then.

I stand behind my earlier statement...

2008-09-04T22:55:00.002-05:00

After McCain's speech, I still have yet to hear any details on how he is going to bring about the "change" and reform for "Warshington" after 8 years of Republican dominance. (By the way, did anyone notice some Bush bashing? Nice attempt, McCain, to remove yourself from Bush's image, but confessing corruption by pointing fingers among your own party and among the Bush administration may be a bad move considering your own voting record, or maybe the mere fact that Dubya himself just spoke at the RNC two days ago representing you?) I don't understand the strategy. Can anyone give me an inkling of a plan? Courageously romantic war story, but we've already heard that crutch over and over again like a broken record. Please, some substance would be great... Bring on the debates!!

Sincerely,
A Whiner for Obama

bust a move

2008-09-04T17:32:00.004-05:00

New music is up for you to try! Paul and I were listening to the Fratellis in his car and when we got to the subject of bands he suggested Arctic Monkeys. I've had their cd for a while but never listened to it until now... Their music is so funky and upbeat! Definitely good jamming in the car kind of music. Along with some clever lyrics, nothing tops a British accent! Am I right or what? Enjoy! :)

I'm Kimberly, and I approve this message.

2008-09-04T01:41:00.003-05:00

Can someone please tell me what John McCain has to offer America other than a POW past, voting 90% with Bush, and personal attacks on Obama?

...because I can't think of anything. That or Palin did a terrible representation, which is highly plausible. Yeah, courage is great, McCain was brave 30 years ago, but bravery doesn't make you qualified to lead the American people out of economic depression, our #1 issue. Yes, the American people, meaning the entire population not the 2% wealthiest. Let's remember that Commander in Chief is only ONE aspect of Presidency...not that I'm downplaying it's importance against the others.
Hopefully tomorrow McCain's acceptance speech will be a little more descriptive of his actual plan, because these messages from Palin are uninspiring, vague, and pretty irrelevant.

in the moment we will sing as the forest sings

2008-09-02T19:57:00.007-05:00

Wow, last time I left a mark on this blog it was pretty deep, pretty serious unintentionally. I'll assure you I am certainly no damsel in distress, nor am I looking for a knight in shining armor. I like to keep things simple since I'm pretty complex myself. That last little blurb was more of a back of the mind bit of caution that inspired me to write creatively on the topic. I'm still silly, random, thoughtful me and I'm definitely enjoying whatever comes my way...maybe enjoying it a little too much. :)

The much needed arrival of my calc and organic books in the mail today have finally allowed me to get some work done so I'm off to Memorial right now. I'll leave you with some pretty pictures for eye candy. I took these babies on my way to the boys house to watch the Arch Rivalry game... which we won by the way! I won't lie, the route I take through campus from my apartment is quite possibly the most beautifully scenic.

self realization for september

2008-09-01T16:22:00.007-05:00

I am the work in progress: constantly re-evaluating, changing, questioning, critiquing my motives, my thoughts, my actions, my feelings. I am molded and fashioned into various different forms that evolve. It cannot be detected daily but through months and years of development. This piece of clay has been shaped through fingers of loved ones, artists who have inspired and challenged me, cold hands that have made my skin thicker, and those select few who have cracked the center so that others could repair it. I am not a masterpiece yet, but I am on my way. I still have so many details to define.
I have always realized that trust and commitment are the two things that I am constantly struggling with. I am so willing to give anything, without question, to my friends, to acquaintances, to complete strangers. Yet I am so afraid of giving all of my faith and placing that in one person. I am afraid of complete exposure to the one I desire most. The closer I get, the farther I stray. I am terrified of someone who knows all my mistakes, my secrets, my desires, every inch of my skin, the exact color of my eyes. This fear has caused me to analyze, to challenge, to hide from true words, concrete feelings, and real happiness. How does anyone know real happiness? I was not created this way. I will not deny that with every walkaway I am building up more protection, more defense against the next passerby. But am I sheltering myself or shutting out those worthwhile? Is this the never ending cycle that continues to build up layer by layer? Will no one be able to break through the exterior? I can only imagine, or hope for that matter, that by some little chance of luck someday someone will come along who will slowly melt away the ice to warm the center. For now, this detail is left unfinished, untouched.

history in the making

2008-08-28T11:38:00.006-05:00

Tonight is the 4th and final night of the Democratic Nation Convention. It is also the anniversary of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr's "I have a Dream..." speech. Whether or not you support Barack Obama, it will be a historic night to witness! I suggest you tune in when he accepts the Democratic Nomination for President because he will have become the first African-American to do so. You can catch the DNC on local channels at 9, and on CNN and C-SPAN throughout the day.

Thanks and enjoy history in the making! :)

You can also see DNC videos featuring speeches made by Joe Biden, Michelle Obama, Hillary and Bill Clinton at C-SPAN and of course, youtube.

fresh meat warehouse

2008-08-28T01:02:00.007-05:00

Comedy Wars had their first show tonight for the 2008-2009 school year. Regardless of academic responsibilities, it's tradition for all of us to go on Wednesday nights, consume large amounts of caffeine, and giggle or sometimes uncontrollably laugh at the student improv masters. There is one major difference during this weekly gathering: there are MASSIVE hoards of freshman stealing chairs, blurting out immature (and ludicrous) suggestions, and forming a sea of bright eyes that spans every last inch of the student lounge. I have never seen this campus more packed, not only at Comedy Wars, but in the bookstore, in the food court at Brady, the library, etc. They are EVERYWHERE. The lines are twice as long where ever you go. Student capacity is to the brim in classrooms. It's nice that enrollment is record breaking, which means millions for our ever-changing and always developing university, but when do you start to question the need for space?

Bottom line: It's war, freshies.

quotables -- artsy fartsy

2008-08-26T17:59:00.005-05:00

I had my first drawing class today since high school. My eccentric art professor is rambling on about the syllabus when he gets to the subject of attendance:

"Just come to class 'cause some of the shit I say is genius! Sometimes even I don't believe it!"

survey says yes?

2008-08-23T10:24:00.005-05:00

Brace yourself! This is pretty long and in no way do I think anyone is capable of having the attention span to read it! But I figured I'd take things back to grade school days for kicks! (and to take my mind off an upset stomach)

If you could take credit for writing one song, which would it be?
Uh... Baby Got Back! Only kidding... :) It is impossible to pick just one.
If you could play one instrument perfectly?
piano
If you could play one sport perfectly?
tennis
If you could speak a second language perfectly?
it's a toss up between French (because I'd love to live there someday) and Spanish (because I'd love to speak with Paulina and Lizbeth)
If you could have all the knowledge of one profession, which?
for passion: veterinary medicine, for good use: cardiologist
If you had to choose one candy you could have from now on, which?
swedish fish or anything chocolate
If you had to change lives with a friend for a week, who would you choose?
Josh for his piano skills and the experience of being a guy
If you could read one person's thoughts for a day, who would you choose?
....
If you could have one car, what would you choose?
a hybrid
What noise do you love?
the sound of rain
What noise do you hate?
the sound (and earthquake) of the door slammed upstairs
What turns you on?
kindness... a nice smile isn't too bad either
What turns you off?
arrogance... hands down!
What's one song you secretly love?
She's Everything- Brad Paisley
What city feels most like home to you?
Columbia
Would you rather cook or bake?
both
Do you prefer sweet or savory foods?
savory
What is your job title?
former receptionist, current student
Do you like your boss?
Her kids were hilarious, but she always gave me her work.
What's your favorite dog?
beagle or border collie
Descibe your mom/mother figure in 5 words.
food-pusher, loving, organized, silly, caring
Decribe your dad/father figure in 5 words.
caring, supportive, strong, loving, hilarious
Do you smoke? What brand?
Nope, I'd like to die a cooler way and with good looking lungs, thanks!
What's your favorite fruit?
pineapple!
Are you a morning person?
I am becoming one slowly but surely and with no intention
What do you order at Starbucks?
caramel macchiatos, caramel frappucinos, and iced passion tea lemonade... they are all delicious
Do you like Sushi?
more like addicted
What's your favoirte body part on the sex you prefer?
hahaha calves. :)
What do you like the most about a the other sex's look (ex: eyes, smile)?
eyes
What's your favorite curse word?
shiiiiiit
What's your favorite reality TV show?
uh The Hills, duh. Shoooot giiiiirl I watch that drama every Monday
How often do you hang out with friends?
everyday
Do you do relationships?
C'est possible. but not now.
Do you want to get married someday?
someday
What's your favorite name?
Jack
If you had to live with one person as your roommate, who would you
choose?
Mallori!
What's your favorite nickname?
Kimbo Slice! hahaha :) Kimber is very cute though
What do you order at Subway?
turkey with bacon and lots of veggies on honey oat
What's your favorite beer?
bud select
Do you like wine?
I haven't had enough to know
Would you rather go dancing with friends, or have coffee with friends?
coffee weekdays, dancing weekends
How many hours a week do you work/go to school?
hahaha I will be attempting 17 hours this semester with a very difficult course load. Wish me luck.
Name one song you could sing all the way through even without it playing?
there are too many... I like Josh's rendition of a Blevins? song "Whenever I'm alone I'm thinkin' bout you, my hands are doing things they shouldn't do..." haha You'll have to hear it sometime.
Name one band that sings lyrics that relate most to your life?
john mayer perhaps? I have no idea...
Do you like your city?
love it!
What are the words/phrases you say the most?
"I say yes!" "Sweet."
Would you rather call or text?
I hate talking on the phone but it's quicker/more understandable although I prefer texting
What movie makes you cry the most?
P.S. I Love You... seriously every single scene I'm in tears saying "He was such a good guy!!" Ridiculous!
What's your favorite christmas movie?
Elf
What you name a dog?
Penny, Pepper, Stormy... my new favorite, Beefy. hahaha :) Gotta love Rob and Big
What would you name a horse?
Black Stallion... kidding.
Did you ever babysit as a teenager? Who?
Yes, little Rosie was a handful but she was charming and imaginative
Would you rather go to the beach or the mountains?
tough! Mountains
Favorite Disney character?
Pocahontas was my girl
Favorite Theme Park?
Six Flags
How many people have you had sex with?
that's not personal at all
What annoys you the most?
this wound on my elbow that refuses to heal!
Did you like this survey?
it was interesting
First though when you saw yourself in the mirror this morning?
rough night, eh?
Favorite season?
fall
Biggest Fear?
heights and death
Biggest Obssession?
animals, music, art,and currently David Sedaris books
Favorite workout?
Tennis or mountain biking! or hiking! :)
Outdoors or the City?
love both unconditionally
Best movie you've seen in the past month?
dark knight. "Wanna see a magic trick?"
Any siblings?
Andy and Beth
Ever won a trophy?
yes
Being rich or finding true love?
all you need is love
Last time you had a waffle cone?
in Colorado
Celebrity crush?
Jake Gyllenhaal... shoot giiiirl, he fine. :)
Favorite soda?
Dr. Pepper
Any special talents?
I can cross my toes
Sing in the shower?
when a song is stuck in my head
Are looks important?
definitely not.
3 people you trust with your life:
Mom, Dad, Beth
Any friends you dont really like?
love them all
Birthplace?
South St. Louis
Still live in the area?
near
Best Habit:
cleaning
Worst Habit:
being fickle
Last person you called?
Scott
What do you think about most?

How long have you been breathing?
20 years in two weeks
Are you single?
yes, I'll be too busy come Monday
Have you cried today at all?
It's still early! haha no I'm pretty happy these days :)
What did you last drink?
cranberry apple juice
Do you want to be in a relationship?
no thanks, not now.
Do you actually believe in perfection?
I believe in coffee perfection. :)
Would you rather it be sunny or rainy?
sunny but a few rainy days are always welcomed
Have you been to New York City?
I'd like to go some day
What do you think about before you go to bed?
what's happening tomorrow
Last time you did laundry?
two weeks ago before I left for Mizzou. Looks like laundry day today!
Do you fight with your parents all the time?
Never anymore. I've learned to appreciate them a lot more than I did.
Do you believe in love?
It's hard to believe that two people can make each other happy for too long. But I've witnessed proof.
Sometimes I do... Family and friends are my belief.
Who was the last person to lay in a bed with you?
Carl or Lis probably
Where did you sleep last night?
My bed and then magically I landed up on the living room couch when I woke up?
Do you want kids?
Yes!
Where is your phone?
on my desk
Who has your heart?
my chest cavity. :)
Do you have a friend of the opposite sex you can talk to?
so many... but I can talk to Craig about just anything
Favorite sit down restaurant?
Crusoe's is family tradition, but I love Macaroni Grill or Noodles & Company
Do you believe that everything happens for a reason?
absolutely
What do you regret most this month?
nothing!
Do you have your wisdom teeth?
I never had any
When is your next road trip?
I think we are planning on a huge group trip to Colorado for winter break! :)
What do you look for in the opposite sex?
awesome sense of humor, intelligence, compassion, spontaneity, confidence, common interests, kindness above anything else... but I'm definitely a sucker for big brown eyes and a way with kids!
Last time you laughed?
this morning, too many times last night
Whats your mood at the moment?
slightly guilty, slightly sick
Would rain actually stop you from going somewhere or ruin your plans?
Never! Just makes things more interesting!
Ever been in a wedding?
my brother's
Myspace or Facebook?
facebook baby, so I can creep! haha kidding
Where were you two nights ago?
hanging out in our apartment
Last time you saw your parents?
two Wednesdays ago
What woke you up this morning?
sunlight
Did you kiss or hug anyone this weekend, who?
I hugged very many wonderful people this weekend, I kissed someone who will remain anonymous.
Who was the last person to give you a ride somewhere?
"Jesus"/Greg
Do long distance relationships work?
if there's no communication or commitment, definitely not.
Who do you wish you were with right now?
Mallori! I miss our talks
Would you rather talk on the phone or chat in IM?
anything but having a conversation over the phone
Do you listen to music everyday?
it's a must
Are you a fast typer?
fairly
What are you doing after this?
taking a shower, making a quick bite to eat, possibly meeting Kevin for Starbucks and wandering campus to scope out our class locations.
Is anything bothering you?
nope!
Do you miss someone?
can't say I do!
What do you want to do right now?
end this
Are you listening to music right now?
haha what's playing on my iTunes now is My Teacher Is A Werewolf by Harry and the Potters :)
Have you eaten ice cream in the past 48 hours?
no ma'am/sir
If you had to choose one person to date, who would it be?
there is absolutely no one right now that I would prefer to date.
Who do you text the most?
Kevin texts me way too much. And Ryan.
Who do you talk to on the phone the most?
Probably my fashia
What did you eat last?
bbq at the boys' party last night
Have you ever liked someone and were too scared to tell them?
nope, not at all. I'm pretty open about that

reminder

2008-08-22T16:59:00.002-05:00

September 18 -- Motion City Soundtrack at the Blue Note

September 30 -- Ani DiFranco at the Missouri Theatre

October 9 -- New Found Glory at the Blue Note (for Jackie)

October 15 -- Old 97's at the Blue Note

November 13 -- Matt Nathanson at Pop's

Any takers? :)

currents and [constants]

2008-08-21T23:33:00.005-05:00

Smell: my shampoo

Sight: A sticky note from Kaitlin that says “P.S. You are Sunshine”

Sound: Question- Old 97’s… who are at the Blue Note in October!

Thought: It was a nice change of pace to wake up this morning to the sound of the rain outside my window. Rainy days always make me want to cook something special to eat, fall into my bed, and read a book all day. I’m half anticipating, half dreading the first week of school partly for the reason that this short “summer vacation” will be over. It also means that it’s the start of the last year for a good handful of my friends who will be graduating next May. Quick recaps of memories from the past twelve months flash through my mind and as the direction jumps from one moment to another, I realize that I would never change a thing that’s happened. There have been silly and serious mistakes I’ve made, uncertainty in most aspects, sadness in hidden tears, academic facts and life lessons learned, and some of the most indescribable and happiest moments. But those friends, who have been there through it all, are the most meaningful to me.
I have a feeling this year will not be any different. It’s just another exciting chapter of a book that I can’t put down on a rainy day like this.

For the sweet tooth:
Genius (and delicious) Trail Mix brownies Kaitlin and I concocted

Try not to lick the screen

It's kind of like whack-a-mole but more like...

2008-08-20T12:51:00.006-05:00

Yay for 90's music! I've changed my blog song from Strawberry Swing (from the new Coldplay album which is very, very good I've discovered after some pestering by Josh) to a classic 90's song, Semi-Charmed Life by Kaitlin's favorite. It's so catchy (must be those do do do's) despite the actual meaning that it just makes you feel good in a way.

Saturday morning Jimbo, Jackie, Dan and I packed up our things and headed out on a road trip to KC! Needless to say, there were a lot awesome memories made in the following days. We ended up at Jimbo's lake house on Lake Lotawana where I fell in love with his dog, Tess, a cute and playful creature that refuses to sit still. It was so much fun tubing with Jackie! Every time we thought we'd fall off, we'd laugh a little harder until our stomachs were as sore as our arms. Jimbo and Dan rocked their wakeboarding skills out on the lake while Jackie and I took pictures. After we docked the boat we traveled to a Peculiar place (ha ha punny!) and spent the night at Jackie's. In the morning we pulled ourselves out of the sinking couch, ate breakfast/lunch, crippled Carl stopped by, and then we were back on the road to the Plaza. For those who have never been to KC, the Plaza is an outdoor shopping area in the downtown section. It's a really beautiful area architecturally. I've only been in KC when it's cold so it was refreshing to see people outside in the restaurant courtyards and people walking about the streets. They even had a live band playing outside an Eddie Bauer store. Random, right? It was fun to wander the streets and explore the different shops. Later that night we returned to Jimbo's, went tubing/wakeboarding again, ate a delicious dinner made by his hilarious Mom and talked outside for hours. We eventually retreated from being eaten alive by mosquitos and watched the Olympics inside. After Bolt's cocky but impressive Gold Metal showdown, the gladiator pose made a distinct mark in our expressions the following day when we went to Worlds of Fun. We started our theme park adventure on the Spinning Dragons, a kid's roller coaster where the cars spin along the track. The highest hill was maybe 150 ft tall but for a man such as Jimbo who has never ridden a roller coaster before, it proved to be scary! Jackie started laughing as he screamed the way down thinking that Jimbo was joking... haha it was hilarious but he conquered his fear and we ended up riding the Patriot (ride on Patriot!!), an inverted coaster like the Batman at Six Flags, the Detonator, the Timber Wolf (a rickety wooden coaster that jerked you out of your seat), and the most intimidating of them all.... THE MAMBA! It's one of the highest, fastest, and steepest roller coasters in the world and you can see it from a few miles away. Definitely intimidating reporting by the girl who is afraid of heights. We made our way up the hill and I squeezed Jimbo's hand into a million pieces when we went screaming down it! Crazy scary ride, but we defeated it! All of us ended up riding it multiple times along with the other less intimidating ones. Overall a great weekend with amazing friends and hilarious adventures! It was nice to get in a few days away with good friends before this busy semester starts...

you feel like home to me

2008-08-12T22:48:00.004-05:00

Greetings from the home of the 4th ranked Tigers! I saw our football boys on the cover of Sports Illustrated peeping out behind the other magazines. Let's just hope this one isn't the kiss of death...again. I can't express how pumped up I am for this season! I'm ready for awesome tailgates at the boys' house, painting up and spelling out clever phrases, and that beautiful sound of the stadium after a touchdown! Fall has to be my favorite semester for this reason... It seems to bring everyone back together.

People say you never know how much you really miss a place until you return. This is true for me. It feels so wonderful to be back in Columbia! After a stressful and tiring week scrambling to get things done, I am so happy to find refuge in this little apartment and in familiar faces. This morning Kaitlin and I made a delicious breakfast of pancakes, eggs and bacon in our little kitchen... It's pleasantly convenient to have a place to cook after living in the dorms for two years. Very nice! After she left for an interview, I had the entire apartment to myself. Empty! So I cleaned for a bit, tried to unpack some things and ended the morning in the kitchen again. Some good music, tasty coffee, and a nice window seat on the kitchen counter makes mornings so much more enjoyable. This may be my 2nd favorite part of my day...maybe. Last night Jimbo and I went fishing at Stephens Lake Park. Considering I haven't picked up a pole and baited a worm in about 6 years, I established a nice little record! I hooked 3 very cute blue gills in a matter of 10 minutes! It was definitely an awesome time... If you ever visit, you should check out this park! The sunset is so beautiful on the lake. After fishing we went to see Batman with all the other boys and I'm still cracking up over the hand sanitizing scene! Finally! A three hour movie that keeps you interested from beginning to end! Awesome movie, awesome performance by Heath, blah blah blah you've already heard enough from everyone else I'm sure.

We're still working out the internet situation so this is the sole time I've been able to access it. Temporarily we are stealing internet from the girls above us but it's only working on Jackie and Kaitlin's laptops. Probably won't be back online for a few days... Until then take care!

busy bee

2008-08-09T13:22:00.004-05:00

Too busy for words today so I thought I'd leave you
with some fun graphic design/illustration.
I can't believe I move back to Columbia tomorrow!
A million things have yet to be done, and
I still have to say goodbye to those favorite people.
Enjoy!

Alberto Seveso

always between the lines

2008-08-07T23:19:00.008-05:00

I've got a weird, funny feeling that kind of warms you from the inside. It makes you curiously question, but I deny it.
Every gesture is so blatant yet sincere, but I'm pretty sure I'm someone who doesn't recognize a good thing when they see it.
Just a feeling that requires further direction. And a lot more time.

We'll see what happens.

:)

We cannot change the cards we are dealt, just how we play the hand

2008-08-06T17:39:00.008-05:00

A morning routine for me usually includes a picture of me stumbling out of bed way too early for any sign of communication, squinted eyes, feeling for the bathroom so I can take a shower. Then after I throw my hair up, get dressed, and brush my teeth, my mom and I leave for work. She drives and I catch up on sleep that I foolishly put off until an appropriately late hour. When we get into the office, I put away files left on the work bar, unconsciously make some oatmeal and slowly awaken with the help of coffee in my cup. Larry, our mail guy, comes in with a new tropical shirt each day of the summer in hopes of fooling us when he decides to repeat one that will most likely depict palm trees, margaritas, or "beach babes". For a goofy middle aged man, he brings life to the front desk. When all the morning mail is sorted, I'm instructed by Marisol on little purple sticky notes in Japanese characters to make files. I remind myself to have her teach me kanji, but I never ask. The sound of grown women gossiping like high school girls in the cubicles behind me is always present. I spit out "good morning", without thought but with a toothy smile, to each person that walks in. Most mornings are a carbon copy of this with a few minor details that are different.

To shake up a few things, all of us were called into the conference room for a meeting. Expecting this to be Deb informing us of the new receptionist, I sat down next to Vivian. She's a sweet older lady who always asks about Alex and never fails to call me beautiful every day. We smile and joke about the possibility of us being in trouble. One of the managers sits down in the front of the room. She starts to speak but some people are still talking. She then tells us how we should continue to treat people with respect and kindness because "we never know exactly what a person may be going through. They may never tell us". She then says that she has been diagnosed with breast cancer. I sat still. I wanted to cry but I hardly knew her.

It seems so unfortunate that most of us never take advantage of possibilities we are offered every day. It is rare to find someone who appreciates life to the fullest who isn't faced with a life threatening illness. We complain about waiting in traffic, having to do extra unassigned work, the little that we have, or even worst, the fact that we have so much, but don't have more. People look down on the man in the street asking for spare change, but blow their money away on excess things. I've known Christians that can't accept difference but preach the love of God and I've known atheists that will give you the shirt of their back for nothing in return. We fail to say the things that need to be heard. It seems hard to appreciate the gifts in our lives, and we take for granted the ones that care most about us. I'm guilty. It's hard for me to understand how people can hold grudges over petty reasons. My mother has been ignored, ridiculed, and hurt for trying to love her own sister. My aunt will hold that grudge to her grave and it's the saddest thing I've witnessed. I guess what I'm trying to say is that life is never how we rehearsed it. Don't take for granted the time that you have with those who care about you. That woman is right, we never know what a person may be going through. Without thought, without question, show them kindness and compassion. Please don't wait for the unexpected to happen before you can love and appreciate all you have. Don't waste the life you're given. It seems like such an easy message to blow off because you've heard it a million times. Maybe someday words like these, from whoever chooses to speak them to you, won't fall on deaf ears.

If anyone hasn't heard of this book, it is about a teacher who is diagnosed with terminal cancer. It is his compilation of entertaining and inspirational thoughts, lessons, hopes, and regrets. His last lecture is also huge on youtube. I hope you'll check it out because I can't wait to read it.

not so kool-aid

2008-08-04T18:18:00.005-05:00

If anyone enjoys a good Dane Cook joke,
I think you'll appreciate this

"Oh yeaaaaaaah?"
Oh no, naughty naughty Kool-aid

click on that lovely link on the left for wooster and more street art

in the summer's when you really know - jets to brazil

2008-08-02T22:44:00.005-05:00

Your absent[minded] blogger has returned! I can't promise I'll update this regularly whether that means weekly or even monthly, but I'm confident you'll stick by me nonetheless. :)

Can you believe it's already August? It's safe to say that I didn't picture summer flying by this fast, but by no means is that a bad thing. I'm pumped to move back to Columbia (you know the first place I'm going is Sparky's) and to see everyone! I'm even more excited to have all our friends over in our first apartment to celebrate the year off right! I'm so ready to see what this year will bring... I guess you could say I'm also a little nervous because it will either make or break me as a biology major. My first semester's course load is pretty intimidating: organic chemistry, cell biology, pharmacology, and more calculus... I dropped a bio elective to have a brief moment of relaxation to pick up something I used to really enjoy: drawing. That will be my "escape from time" class cause this little lady is going to be one very busy student.

I started looking through boxes of things I took with me to Mizzou last year. They waited patiently in storage downstairs since May. I sat on the floor and sorted through things I wanted to take with me this fall and things I wanted to leave behind. I had the most random objects in those boxes that I kept. There were sunflower seeds that had found their way into open pockets when Carl and I went to that art exhibit on campus. I found Kaitlin's lion she colored for me. I found mailed letters and kid drawings from Craig when he was in the Netherlands. Among others there was the Valentine's box Paulina made for me, the spider press-on tattoo that Lis and Jackie bought with other gag gifts for my birthday, ticket stubs from Jack's Mannequin and Matt Nathanson, silk lilies, and an Italian postcard postmarked in Paris. It's funny how certain tokens you gather over the year can explain how time changes everything.

I didn't expect to grow as much as I have this summer. Silly, naive Kim was confident she knew it all! :) But I definitely learned a lot about myself. I've realized that I need to work on being more patient. I always have to get things done right away. I've reaffirmed how lucky I am to have certain lovely people in my life. My friends are capable of making any situation twenty times more fun[ny]. They are my soft place to land but they also tell it like it is. I've learned that no matter how much effort you put into something, it doesn't imply that it will turn out as you originally planned. Things change without any warning, without any control. This has taught me valuable lessons and has proven that I'm stronger than I thought. I've started to focus on myself more and what is most important to me. I have actually decided what I want to do after college [I think]. I've discovered how a tiny little being you just met can easily become the most lovable tooting creature you've held in your arms. I won't sugar coat it: my nephew is cuter than your nephew.

I may not have climbed Mount Everest or cured cancer, but this summer will be remembered.

2008-06-29T00:24:00.006-05:00

even a thousand miles away i can feel you breathing down my neck

insomnia

2008-06-05T02:13:00.002-05:00

While I was studying for my chem quiz tomorrow, I had my itunes on shuffle and the lovely Ben Gibbard came up! For those who have no idea who I'm talking about, Ben Gibbard is the songwriter/vocalist for Death Cab for Cutie, The Postal Service, and All-Time Quarterback. He's a genius lyricist and creates beautiful music. I thought I'd share a sweet Postal Service song gone acoustic... It's one of my favorites that went missing. Hope you enjoy it!

I'll be the grapes fermented
Bottled and served with the table set
In my finest suit, like a perfect gentleman

I'll be the fire escape
That's bolted to the ancient brick
Where you will sit and contemplate your day

I'll be the waterwings
That save you if you start drowning
In an open tab when your judgement's on the brink

I'll be the phonograph
That plays your favorite albums back
As you're lying there, drifting off to sleep

I'll be the platform shoes
And undo what heredity's done to you
You won't have to strain to look into my eyes

I'll be your winter coat
Buttoned and zipped straight to the throat
With the collar up so you won't catch cold

I want to take you far
From the cynics in this town
And kiss you on the mouth
We'll cut our bodies free
From the tethers of this scene
Start a brand new colony
Where everything will change
We'll give ourselves new names
(Identities erased)
The sun will heat the ground
Under our bare feet
In this brand new colony

Everything will change, ooo...

Coloring is my favorite. I never color within the lines.

2008-05-30T23:26:00.005-05:00

Sorry for the absence. I've been quite the busy girl from ending sophomore year, Colorado, and the planning of Josephine's baby shower, to relaxing and getting as much sleep I can fit in until summer classes roll around on Monday... I'll fill you in with some details of tonight..
Mallori and I went to see the new Sex and the City movie since she's pretty much obsessed with that show and has been for the past few years. Surprisingly, it was pretty good! There were some funny one liners, fashion that I didn't quite understand (I think I'm plain. Solids are how I roll.), and sex scenes GALORE! Seriously, half chick flick, half porn! My young CW eyes were obviously not ready for the HBO version... haha I definitely giggled like a Catholic school girl more than a few times. I loved the scene with "coloring". :) but anyway, to the real story. The movie cut out half way due to a power outage at Chesterfield Mall... We heard loud booms of thunder and suddenly the film shut off, the lights were on, and then we saw the screen burn a scene of the actual film. It was pretty neat looking, all bubbly and torn. The movie started up again after some commotion and when we got out of the theater we ran to Mallori's car in the rain. It wasn't too bad after she dropped me off at my car. While driving home there were consecutive bolts of lightning that lit up behind the thick dense clouds. It was pretty incredible how the sky turned from night to day in those few seconds. Huge lightning bolts showered over the city and the rain poured down even more as I entered Fenton. There's this area where 141 lays under the 44 overpass that was flooded a few months back. I take that way when I'm coming back from Maryville. The thunderstorm was more like a monsoon and it was so much fun driving through the small river on the way home with water splashing up on all sides of you. As soon as you hit it, it felt like you crashed your car into a lake! Did I mention how much I missed driving? Because I do. I definitely did. When I reached my house, the rain was still coming down hard. I turned off my windshield wipers and turned off the car, quickly opened and closed the door and ran for it. Only after I had made my way around the car did I realize that the lights were still on. Typical. So I decided I would walk slowly back and turn them off. If I was going to get wet, I might as well be soaked. And you know what? I enjoyed it! I love the rain. I love big storms. I could stay out there until it stopped. I was already wet, I wouldn't mind.
I really wish you were there to play in the rain with me, to enjoy the downpour and the sky flicker with lightning.

Promise to not be a stranger,
me

I'm going to be there at 6, with some flowers on sticks that were clipped just to make the weak strong

2008-05-06T12:06:00.004-05:00

Distance can't be measured in miles.
It grows every day.
I'm trying to understand it's
Late delay.

The sunshine's been missing, Katie,
But don't believe that it isn't there

we'll weave our days together like waves and particles of light

2008-04-20T19:21:00.005-05:00

It's that amazing time of day again when the sun is setting so slowly that this bright orange light pours in from our four big windows. It casts so many different shadows on the furniture, the pictures hung on the walls, the reminder notes on our desks... I absolutely love these few minutes. I feel perfectly comfortable in this light.

I probably shouldn't be blogging but I figured that I've taken a long enough hiatus and that I could use a few minutes away from genetics. The weather was absolutely beautiful today. There's bright, multicolored flowers popping up from the ground around Memorial Union, daffodils line the sidewalks by Speaker Circle, and these huge purple flowers form on the magnolia trees along the quad. Everything returns to life in the Spring, and I think I get more appreciative of every little greenery I encounter. The long winter depression is finally over! It's pretty hard to worry about things like papers and finals when there's so much beauty around you.

Hope everyone's weekend went well!

Kim

Kate Nash

2008-04-08T00:26:00.004-05:00

just one of the many artists I've been listening to lately...

Here's a couple songs. Enjoy!

M o u t h w a s h

F o u n d a t i o n s

t h e n i c e s t t h i n g

P.S. WARNING: This song is really cheesy but there are two really good lines that I love. They start at 1:55...
"I wish you knew that when I said two sugars actually I meant three"

2008-04-04T15:59:00.002-05:00

It's better to lie still
when history has proved
nothing is ever as it seems,
than to dizzy your head
with the things you couldn't see.
You were so naive to take off your disguise.

right now

2008-03-31T19:04:00.005-05:00

is my favorite part of day
when things quiet down
and the sun is slowly setting
in our big beautiful windows
organic milk is creamy and delicious
paired with honey bunches of oats
(with almonds)
I could eat a million bowls of this stuff.

life is good.

more awesome art...

2008-03-28T19:26:00.004-05:00

Some sweet art by Paul Alexander Thornton... I like that he mixes traditional portraits with crazy colored graphic illustrations. He also has some more awesome work which you can see here. Did I mention how much I love wooster collective?

How I wish you could see the potential, the potential in you and me, it's like a book elegantly bound, but in a language you can't read just yet

2008-03-27T22:40:00.007-05:00

I am driving up 85 in the

kind of morning that lasts all afternoon

I’m just stuck inside the gloom

4 more exits to my apartment but

I am tempted to keep the car in drive

and leave it all behind

cause I wonder sometimes

about the outcome

Of a still verdictless life

am I living it right

why, why Georgia, why

rent a room and I fill the spaces with

wood and places to make it feel like home

but all I feel’s alone

it might be a quarter life crisis

or just the stirring in my soul

either way

I wonder sometimes

about the outcome

of a still verdictless life

am I living it right

why, why Georgia, why

so what so I’ve got a smile on

It’s hiding the quiet superstitions in my head

don’t believe me

don’t you dare believe me

when I say I’ve got it down

As a result of driving everyday around the city and the fact that the only CD I have not kidnapped and taken to Columbia is John Mayer, I've been listening to him a lot. So with his sweet tunes and some fresh air, I've become addicted to "Why Georgia" (which these lyrics belong to, if you haven't caught on just yet). It basically sums up what everyone fears in their twenties, that they have no direction, just forks in the road of life. Everyone can relate. I can relate. I love the line ""it might be a quarter life crisis" which brings me to an entry Keith made a few weeks ago. How is anyone supposed to know what their journey in life is? I can't even make a decision between two items on a menu, much less what I'm supposed to be doing for the 3/4 of my life remaining. It's simply impossible to predict unless you have some sign from the Big Man himself. I think it is just a part of growing. Opportunities will come our way, we'll have struggles, we'll have loss, but it doesn't mean there won't be a plethora of happy moments in between.

I recently met up with a girl I was best friends with in high school. We were inseparable from sophomore year until early freshman year of college. So I will admit, I was a little more wild in high school than now, but I guess most teenagers have gone through at least one rebel phase. She was always a step ahead of what I wouldn't do. I'd hate to say it, but when she said jump, I jumped. This girl and I would sneak out late at night, we'd go to those stupid high school parties and stay out past curfew millions of times, we skipped school (once and only once...), gossip about other girls, hell... we even drove to Illinois for her latest beau which caused her car to break down and in an effort to hide everything from our parents, had to call our friend to pick us up... needless to say, we got in a lot of trouble, told more than a handful of white lies, and drove our parents mad. Okay, back to the story... when we reached college, it was never the distance that made our friendship fall apart (we went to the same school) but rather we began to move in different circles. She joined a sorority, and I vowed to never fall for Greek Life. I had not seen her in over a year, but we met up for some window shopping and dinner... To little surprise, she had not changed at all. She was still the girl she was years ago. Her conversation consisted of rumors about people we knew in high school, the boys she had dated since we last talked and the ones she had her eye on now. She searched and searched for, her own quotes, "a slutty shirt" to wear to a party on Saturday. She was decked out in heels, ripped jeans, and a juicy couture handbag. I felt as though none of what she had talked about had substance. It was always the next best thing: the hottest guy to date, the best clothes, and her aspirations of being wealthy someday... which confused me on why she had chosen elementary education for her major. When that had been brought up, I mentioned volunteering at Centro Latino and the kids that were so outspoken and cute, but she had nothing to say in reply. Like I said, I felt the substance was lacking in what she did say and she drew quiet when the topics weren't directed to boys, money, or parties. She was still caught up in what was deemed as "desirable". Not to pass any judgement on what she enjoyed or what her priorities were, just that they were the same and mine had changed.

When driving and listening to this song, I began to wonder where my life was headed. I can't make decisions of any kind and I can't deny that I haven't been scared of life. I had a different feeling toward that song before I had met with this friend. I've realized that I have grown, whether I knew it or not at the time, but I have grown and changed substantially in only two years. I've become a completely different person than who I was back in high school, though some haven't changed at all. I've given more value to my family and have been more appreciative that I have ever been of where I've started. My family is in no means wealthy, but what we have is plenty. I've discovered the things that mean the most to me: family and friends. I know what my passions are: art, kids, animals and food. haha I'm falling in love with the details of life... the contrasts of light on leaves, the different colors of a sunset, the way a person smiles that makes their eyes wrinkle, catching strangers singing to themselves in the car next to you... I could probably go on forever. Although I have learned to communicate more, I am just starting to speak up for myself. And what a great feeling that is!! I've become a more well rounded and stronger individual, but still I will admit, I sob during some movies. :) I'm not perfect, and I don't want to be. My quirky qualities make me me.

I'm thankful for this encounter with my blast from the past. I guess what I am trying to say is that although I don't know what my life holds for me, I am confident that I am moving in the right direction. I have changed in so many ways in such a short time and I will keep on changing and growing as time goes on. It isn't a quarter life crisis, it's just one more foot in the right direction. I can't say that I know what I'll be doing for the rest of my life, my mind changes everyday, but I have comfort in knowing that the decisions I have made, the struggles I've faced, and those few moments of clarity have made me who I am. I am thankful for the past because ultimately it all determined who I am. I wouldn't regret a thing. I have learned from it all. The way I see it, it can only go up from here... there is no need to worry of what lies ahead when you've made so much progress already. Never doubt yourself and what you are capable of. If it rains, jump in the puddles. And if there is one thing to be certain of, there will always be people in your life who will support and love you for whoever you are.

just my two cents for today.

take pen to paper and make something beautiful

2008-03-24T00:28:00.006-05:00

One of the artists I really liked when I discovered wooster collective was Juan Francisco. Here's some of his work... all done with ballpoint pens. It has an animated feel but everything looks so realistic. Sketches done from ordinary daily life pictures with his friends. Some funny, some extremely sexual. haha So fair warning on that... Enjoy!

Here is his website where you can see more of his work.

This one is my favorite.

For you, Breezy and Kaitlin!

too confident to see between the lines

2008-03-23T20:26:00.003-05:00

Checklist for a relaxing & fun yet productive break

--ride my bike around and take pictures of the flood

--shop and eat delicious cheesecake with my sister. It's tradition.

--spend the day at the park reading and/or sketching

--enjoy night life downtown with Mallori

--study for genetics

--play a couple rounds of tennis with Christophe (and win)

--kidnap Caesar and let him experience grass and trees... haha

--take a few surprise pictures

--soak in a little sun and listen to a lot of music

--find a summer job?

--get a good amount of hours done shadowing

let's see how it goes!

update at the end of the break

first flower of spring

2008-03-20T15:00:00.003-05:00

Who imagined a weed could be so pretty?

courtesy of my awesome roommie, Kaitlin

Happy Birthday, Bethie

I l-l-l-l-like the way you tell me how I walk it off much better than those built in crowds and you, oh you, you tie me into knots

2008-03-18T19:55:00.003-05:00

I thought that I would squeeze one update in between my period of procrastination and studying for Calculus. Lately I've found myself alone in the room a lot at night, which can be really nice. I can do all the reading I want, I can sketch with the music blaring and no one is there to say otherwise. I can dance around in nothing and no one would be there to cause embarrassment. It's a little hiatus from life. And while this all may sound incredible for the average college student living in the dorms (none the less, living with two girls, not one), it gets old after a few weeks... the feeling of loneliness sinks in and replaces the bliss of having time alone. I don't want to be a whiner, so I've decided to do something about it. Maybe catch up with people I haven't seen in a while. Get coffee with an old friend. Something. I feel as if I've grown tired of ending my day with no one. Does that seem ridiculous?

In other news, this has been a particularly amazing day despite the weather for some reasons which will remain unknown other than those containing breakfast and lease signing. Although we couldn't sign the lease for our new apartment this morning (which we are signing tomorrow, thank God), Jackie, Lis, Kaitlin, and I went out to breakfast anyway. I don't know what it is about good food and good friends that makes everything else that was troubling you in life seem so mundane. It makes you appreciate those times you spend with people you care about even that much more because you have something valuable. You have someone to laugh with, someone to bring you half baked ice cream to sop up your tears, someone to make dumb jokes with that really aren't that funny, someone to sing your brains out with when you're driving in the car, someone who will listen to the stories you tell a million times and never get tired, someone who generally cares about you the way you care about them. I love realizing this feeling after a few mishaps in life, when things seem clear for just a moment with good conversation. It makes me feel so contradictory about my last paragraph, because I know I'm not truly alone, and that any one of those people I call friends would be there if anything happened. I feel selfish for not seeing that sometimes when days get messy and complicated... but I am thankful that I have someone in my life like that, and not just one but many people that I can turn to or jokingly make fun of. It's a relief to have people who somewhat understand you when you don't even understand yourself.

Okay, this is long enough, back to derivatives.

2008-03-17T01:37:00.002-05:00

Life gets lonely coming home to no one.

Ani DiFranco

2008-02-23T16:45:00.001-06:00

i want somebody who sees the pointlessness
and still keeps their purpose in mind
i want somebody who has a tortured soul
some of the time
i want somebody who will either put out for me
or put me out of misery
or maybe just put it all to words
and make me say, you know
i never heard it put that way
make me say, what did you just say?

i want somebody who can hold my interest
hold it and never let it fall
someone who can flatten me with a kiss
that hits like a fist
or a sentence, that stops me like a brick wall
if you hear me talking
listen to what i'm not saying
if you hear me playing guitar
listen to what i'm not playing
and don't ask me to put words
to all the silences i wrote
don't ask me to put words
to all the spaces between notes
in fact if you have to ask, forget it
do and you'll regret it
i'm tired of being the interesting one
i'm tired of having fun for two
just lay yourself on the line
and i might lay myself down by you
but don't sit behind your eyes
and wait for me to surprise you
i want somebody who can make me
scream until it's funny
give me a run for my money
i want someone who can
twist me up in knots
tell me, for the woman who has everything
what have you got?
i want someone who's not afraid of me
or anyone else
in other words i want someone
who's not afraid of themself

do you think i'm asking too much?

lyrics to love.

2008-02-22T17:49:00.003-06:00

"Won't you miss me?"
You said inside grand central station
And your eyes grew red
and wild before the chasin’
I felt your body move through my coat


10 points if you can name this movie.
It'd be a tragedy if you've never seen it!

no matter where you run, you just end up running into yourself.

2008-02-18T03:12:00.003-06:00

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